I think I'm suffering from some sort of weird psychological condition that is preventing me from furnishing my new apartment with anything more than a bed, computer desk and television stand. I desperately need bookshelves to house the multitude of books that I insisted on carting across three states and yet every time I go to make the purchase, I just can't. Either I don't like the size, the depth of the shelf space or the color or the finish, or any number of other ridiculous things that really have no actual bearing on the functionality of the unit whatsoever. It's the same when trying to pick out a nightstand or a chair or even mixing bowls. All I can think is, do I really want to accumulate all this stuff again? Part of the allure of moving here was getting rid of pretty much everything I owned and starting over. I have never been a minimalist. I enjoy buying things as much as the next American, but suddenly the thought of anchoring myself to a place with all the burdens of things that don't fit neatly inside 10 or 12 boxes scares the consumerism right out of me.
It sounds ridiculous, I know. I just can't seem to allow myself to connect to this place. I keep thinking about how easy it would be to just get up and leave if I don't acquire anything and then I wonder what the hell I'm doing worrying about leaving when I haven't even been here a full year. So why does the fact that I have so little feel so comforting? I've always been quick to get rid of things because I'm not very sentimental and I HATE clutter, but this is something else. Maybe I have Obsessive Compulsive Spartanism. Maybe I just need a good interior decorator.
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Perhaps you are torn between two states? It's like you divorced Arizona and starting dating Seattle. Decorating your apartment would be like showing commitment and devotion to this new "partner" in your life, at the same time proving you're "totally over" AZ. How about this: Miss Arizona, send us some love AND decorate your apartment. There is no rule that says you can't do both. Unless of course, you actually don't want to let yourself commit to a serious relationship with Seattle because Seattle stinks at listening and doesn't help with the laundry.
ReplyDeleteY'know, I always wondered if Seattle would be like great in the sack but not so good at in-depth conversation. Or maybe it's the other way around. Tucson....well...what can we say about Tucson?
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